I create a lot of content. A lot. On a weekly basis, I record videos and training modules for my membership community, articles for publications in which I actively contribute, and blogs for my blog site. I also appear as a guest on podcasts and regularly speak to professionals on stage and in a corporate training environment. I am always up for serving, and content creation runs through my veins. My messages usually have a positive vibe, with ideas for implementation.
But I realized lately that I’ve been getting it all wrong. Why tell others to live their best life full of purpose, prosperity, and internal power? Come on! That stuff is for the birds. So, I proudly present to you, my guide for completely derailing your life, in eight easy steps. Everything you need to know to live a small, shrunken, insignificant and unfulfilled life is here, at your fingertips. Have fun with this, and reach out to me to let me know how it goes!
1. Only Focus On Yourself
To be sure to live a small life, focus just on yourself. Only consider your bank account, your materials, and possessions, and use everyone as a means to get what you want. Expanding your ability to serve others – that’s insane! If you really want to live an unfulfilled life, don’t worry about anyone else. In fact, treat them like they’re an impediment to your well-being. That will keep you insignificant.
2. Hide Yourself Away
Why bother integrating yourself with society? Go to work, serve your time, milk it for all its worth, then make a bee-line for home so you can insulate yourself. Why interact or socialize in the world? Shoot, those people are dangerous and are always needing something. There are people in need all over the place. Here’s what you do: just pretend they’re not there. Hide yourself away. Just tell yourself the world doesn’t exist and hide behind your moat. It’s for the best.
3. Neglect Your Health
If you want to feel extra small, shrunken and unfulfilled, completely neglect your health. Shove as much processed food down your pie-hole as possible, and go whole-hog on consuming massive amounts of chemicals. The more alcohol and manufactured food, the better. And why even drink water? Besides, there’s plenty of water in soda, right? Sleep? WHO NEEDS IT? Take pride in destroying your body.
Here’s an important tip: every time you feel bored, sad, depressed, excited, or even scared, eat. That’ll make those pesky feelings and emotions go away. And let’s eat so much that it makes exercise impossible. That’ll help you live small… except for your waistline, that is. Make your new motto, “If you ever see me running there must be something chasing me.” Exercise is for people who want to really live and care about themselves. We don’t have time for that while we’re playing small!
4. Grab the Remote
While we’re on the topic of health and being insignificant, choose entertainment over education. Binge-watch Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon – or all of the above – and make sure nothing educational is even in the same room. Block Audible from your phone and destroy your library card. Make sure you watch enough drama and gossip television so that Netflix doesn’t even recommend any of that expansive documentary or historical stuff anymore. Eww. Who in the world has time for that?
5. Avoid It All
While you’re at it, avoid everything. Is your spouse asking you to have discussions about how you can improve your relationship? Or maybe you haven’t even seen your spouse for days…? Do you have strategies in your business that you have yet to plan? Are the bills piling up around you so high you can’t even find your coffee table? No issues. Just avoid all of that… and spend some more money. Take a trip, or in the least, spend the day on the golf course. Sure, it’s been days since you set foot in your office. Tell yourself it’s all ok. That’ll make you feel better.
6. Gossip With the Best of Them
While you’re creating a life of entertainment only, surround yourself with lots of people who gossip non-stop. The more drama the better! You know they’re only talking about other people, never you. Why would they talk about someone as awesome as you? The more you can keep them talking about other people, the better you’ll look in their eyes. So give your friends a call, plant your butts in the coffee shop, and blab away.
7. Judge Others. Hard.
You haven’t lived until you have judged others silently. Be critical of everything about others that goes against your opinions, perspectives, beliefs, and choices. Hold others to a super high standard – hold them to YOUR standards. They are imperfect anyway, so they deserve it. Make sure you continue to allow yourself to be imperfect while holding others to a higher standard than you hold yourself. At least you know why you make mistakes, but since you have no idea why they made the mistake, that’s on them. Keep justifying your own mistakes while holding them to perfection. Judge them hard for not being you or making you feel good. That’s their problem, not yours. Idiots.
Hey, you’re right about your view on religion, politics, and economics! You’ve got it all figured out. If you were in charge of everything, everything would be perfect and there would be peace on earth. Let them call you a flame thrower. We know the truth: the sooner everyone agrees with you, the faster everything gets better. Seriously.
8. Fake Them All Out
Finally, play pretend with everyone. Be someone different in your home than you are in public, at work, at church, or with your friends. Fool them all. To fully shrink to insignificance, get an idea of who you’d be if you were living the life of your dreams, and pretend to be that person. Play small and unfulfilled and don’t bother actually becoming anything through growth and development. That takes too much work and effort. Just play pretend. Just describe to them who you want to be, how you would behave if you were real, and how much you care about the world instead of being that person. That’s easier. If we were real and authentic, that would allow us to feel like we were someone in the world. Who wants to feel valuable and real?
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Just kidding! I’ve never written a satirical article, so that felt really good. Thanks for letting me express myself, and thanks for reading all the way through. Please do the exact opposite of everything in this article. Serve others. Integrate with society, and interact. Honor yourself. Practice radical self-care and choose life, health, education, and a drama-free environment. Feel your feelings. Take personal responsibility. Engage in compassion, never judgment. People are doing the very best they can. If they could do better they would, just like you. Finally, be yourself. You’re the only YOU on the earth. We need you to be you, and we encourage you to allow us to support your growth and development. We can all get better together.
It’s Time to Lead
We are not here to just survive. We are not just here to play small. We are not here to hide. We are not a coincidence or a mistake. We are meant to thrive, play soul-out, and we are on purpose. The more you show up, the more we all grow. Lead, never just survive. We don’t have time for surviving. No one will make it out alive, so why bother simply surviving? We’re all counting on you. No one is like you, and no one can be you. So show up. The only thing that depends on you is everything. Why should anyone else step up if you won’t? Lead. Someone has to.
It’s time to lead. Find your tribe of leaders who desire to lead themselves, lead their society, and lead their families more powerfully. Join our Elite Mastermind of successful business owners who are committed to gathering to learn and grow, support each other, and hold each other accountable for finding ultimate success and freedom in their lives and businesses.