I have saluted a sitting President while a member of a Marine Honor Guard, was ranked the #1 Non-Commissioned Officer in my Marine unit, held powerful executive positions in Fortune 500 companies, and was viewed as a high-potential leader in almost every organization for which I worked.
I also battled self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem issues my entire life.
I felt like an imposter.
I had everything material I ever dreamed of, but I was suicidal. I wouldn't seek support because I was scared to let anyone know I didn't have it all figured out.
I was supposed to be a powerful leader, right?
The truth was I was an alcoholic, 300lbs of undisciplined chaos, and an abusive husband and father. I was in so much pain inside and I didn't want anyone to know, so I punished those around me to try to feel powerful. Hurt people hurt people.
I was fired from two significant executive positions in 20 months because I just kept hoping that everything would work itself out. I reached the breaking point.
When it didn't work itself out, I had to relearn how to live in order to create internal power - where I had only sought external power before.
I started from scratch by hiring a coach. I shared all of my pain, fears, doubts, and concerns, and we began separating all of the mental and emotional noise from reality.
We implemented basic elements of physical, mental, and emotional health in my life. I read over 250 books in 2 years.
Over time I discovered the power within that was there all along - just dormant from neglect while I accumulated external rewards. I formed an identity based on what people could see - not based on who I really am.
I found the power inside that I always thought was outside.
Connie B.
Recovered from active alcoholism.
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