I had every material thing that I ever dreamed of, but I was suicidal. I wouldn't seek support because I was scared to let anyone know I didn't have it all figured out.
I was supposed to be a powerful alpha male leader, right?
The truth was that I was an alcoholic, 300 pounds of undisciplined chaos, and an abusive husband and father. I was in so much pain inside and I didn't want anyone to know, so I punished those around me to try to feel powerful.
Hurt people hurt people.
I was fired from two significant executive positions in 20 months because I just kept so many secrets, and kept my struggles to myself.
I reached the breaking point.
When everything fell apart I had to relearn how to live in order to create internal power - where I had only sought external power before.
I started from scratch by hiring a coach. I shared all of my pain, fears, doubts, and concerns, and we began separating all of the mental and emotional noise from reality.
We implemented basic elements of physical, mental, and emotional health into my life. I read hundreds of books over the last three years. I learned to create an intentionally healthy and purposeful life. I learned a new way to live.
I learned how to feel because I was taught not to feel and that feelings and emotions are weak. The truth is that stuffing emotion is weak, and there's strength in vulnerability.
Over time I learned to be real, raw, and vulnerable, and to expose all of my struggles and pain. I documented my story in my first book The Imposter In Charge so that there were no longer secrets, and so that I could finally take off my mask. I could breathe because I stopped fearing being found out.
I found the internal personal power that I always thought I would find outside.
I rebuilt my life with my family, and learned how to lead - not expect, manipulate, control, guilt, and shame them as I had learned.
Finally, I found my own purpose in the world to lead thousands to new levels of internal power, stewardship, and leadership. We are intense in our purpose and gentle with everything else.
My life is completely different today than 4 years ago, and I wake up on fire for life. I put my self-care first, my purpose next, and my family reaps the rewards of my powerful presence, purpose, and time and financial freedom.
Purpose and passion create powerful lives, relationships, and income. But we must be willing to step out of the shadows and finally lead through stewardship, respect, and love of everything we touch.
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