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Live a "get to" life

Do You ‘Have To’ Or Do You ‘Get To’?

February 26, 2020

I was once Plant Manager for a $65 million manufacturing plant. Authority, autonomy, and accountability for results were all I ever wanted. When I aspired to this role, I had it all in my lap despite hating several aspects. I figured that in a higher position I’d be able to delegate the annoying tasks, but the budgets didn’t allow for that. So, there were parts of the job that I “had to” do in order to be able to “get to” do parts that I loved. Eventually, I loved fewer and fewer aspects. I felt stuck. After a few years, […]

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guy on computer

Do You Need To Do It All Yourself?

February 19, 2020

After a long, successful run in corporate America, in March of 2016, I was fired from my second executive position in about 20 months. I was lost, and I didn’t know the next step in my life, family, or career. I felt mentally and emotionally paralyzed and thought my run of success was over. A friend of mine who had started coaching on a professional basis called me and begin asking questions about my termination, my current state, and my future intentions. After a few calls, he asked if I wanted some help moving forward. He was a friend, and […]

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dad_daughters

Men Can Be Codependent, Too

February 12, 2020

When my girls were toddlers, they would come into my bedroom in the morning to wake me up. My day began with a kiss on the cheek from either Katie or Meagan. They would wait for me to wake up. Sometimes it took them a few kisses. I would pretend to be asleep to get another kiss or two. When I did finally wake up I would whisper, “go ahead downstairs and I’ll be down.” This happened for the first 8-9 years of their lives until their “independence” kicked in. I was sad when the morning kisses stopped. I called […]

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Love

Men, Do You LOVE Your Family?

February 5, 2020

When my first daughter was still a baby, my wife Angie and I discussed how we were going to parent her. We decided on some of the family rules that we were going to lay down to establish boundaries and basic rules of engagement. The conversation was somewhat tense because we were two different people from two different backgrounds, trying to establish a path for our new family. Both of us were new parents, so every experience was new to us, including the expectations we were going to establish in our home. We agreed on basic framework for how we […]

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10 yard line

Sports and Hobbies – Entertainment or Distraction?

January 29, 2020

When my wife Angie and I first met in 1999, I was a passionate Baltimore Ravens football fan. Soon after our first date, I bought us season tickets, and we went to every home game over the next few years until we moved. We found some friends who were Ravens fans, so we made a big deal about away games, too, spending numerous hours partying it up, celebrating our team. In order to keep up with the football world, I listened to nothing but sports talk, watched nothing but ESPN, watched football on Monday night, Thursday night, and of course, […]

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significant

Do You Feel Significant?

January 22, 2020

I grew up in a German-Catholic family and neighborhood and went to a Catholic school from first grade to eighth grade. It was a tight-knit community and a very small school. I remember one key message I learned at home, in school, and at church – “It’s a sin to think highly of yourself.” I remember thinking, from a very young age, that shrinking myself was the key to heaven and to gaining favor in the world. It was the key alright – the key to feeling pain and insignificance. I went through life thinking and feeling like I couldn’t […]

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surviving or leading?

Are You Surviving or Leading?

January 15, 2020

I would venture to guess that well over 90 percent of humanity is living in survival mode as opposed to living in their purpose. Let me explain. Picture a continuum, with fear on the left side and purpose on the right. Place a marker in the middle, and label this marker the ‘critical purpose decision.’ I would suggest – and I fully acknowledge that this is not scientific, in the least – that well over 90 percent of people are to the left of the critical purpose decision. Why is that? Most people are running from fear. That leaves less […]

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are you emotionally available

Are You Emotionally Available?

January 8, 2020

A few months ago, I was asked to speak at an event in St. Louis for about 75 women. The room was full of professional women who were there to step into higher levels of power in their lives and businesses. My wife Angie had spoken there a few months before, telling the story of her rise from childhood poverty, neglect, addiction. She was received so warmly and powerfully that they asked me to speak as well. I began by telling the audience of my struggles with codependency, alcoholism, and trying to create a 1950’s-style family hierarchy in the home […]

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Words Will Never Hurt Me

January 1, 2020

I grew up in a lower-middle-class neighborhood in Baltimore, Maryland. My neighborhood had bars on every corner and thrived when the steel mill was booming. I was born into a blue-collar family, and the blue-collar, rough-and-tumble mentality surrounded me at all times. I kept my guard and demonstrated a tough exterior at home, school, and on the playground. I didn’t do a great job of it, and I was bullied everywhere I went. My brother was one of the tough guys in the neighborhood. No one messed with him. My dad had toughened him up to the point that he […]

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